--- title: "Anxious Attachment Therapy in California · Fanshen Thompson, LCSW" description: "Online therapy for anxious-avoidant attachment dynamics in California couples. Move beyond the cycle of pursuit and withdrawal with Berkeley LCSW Fanshen Thompson." lang: en json-ld: | [ { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": [ "ProfessionalService", "MedicalBusiness", "MedicalClinic" ], "@id": "https://fanshenthompson.com/#business", "name": "Fanshen Thompson, LCSW", "url": "https://fanshenthompson.com", "logo": "https://fanshenthompson.com/og.jpg", "image": "https://fanshenthompson.com/og.jpg", "email": "fanshen@fanshenthompson.com", "priceRange": "$$$", "medicalSpecialty": "Mental Health", "address": { "@type": "PostalAddress", "addressLocality": "Berkeley", "addressRegion": "CA", "addressCountry": "US" }, "areaServed": { "@type": "State", "name": "California" }, "contactPoint": { "@type": "ContactPoint", "contactType": "customer service", "email": "fanshen@fanshenthompson.com" }, "founder": { "@id": "https://fanshenthompson.com/#practitioner" }, "employee": { "@id": "https://fanshenthompson.com/#practitioner" }, "openingHoursSpecification": [ { "@type": "OpeningHoursSpecification", "dayOfWeek": [ "Tuesday", "Wednesday", "Thursday", "Friday" ], "opens": "09:00", "closes": "18:00" } ], "sameAs": [ "https://www.linkedin.com/in/fanshen-thompson-lcsw-672425216/", "https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086164215212", "https://pin.it/5enxDfD" ] }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "Person", "@id": "https://fanshenthompson.com/#practitioner", "name": "Fanshen Thompson", "honorificSuffix": "LCSW", "jobTitle": "Licensed Clinical Social Worker", "url": "https://fanshenthompson.com", "image": "https://fanshenthompson.com/og.jpg", "email": "fanshen@fanshenthompson.com", "address": { "@type": "PostalAddress", "addressLocality": "Berkeley", "addressRegion": "CA", "addressCountry": "US" }, "worksFor": { "@id": "https://fanshenthompson.com/#business" }, "hasCredential": [ { "@type": "EducationalOccupationalCredential", "credentialCategory": "License", "identifier": "LCSW #25004", "recognizedBy": { "@type": "Organization", "name": "California Board of Behavioral Sciences" } } ], "knowsAbout": [ "Couples Therapy", "Relationship Therapy", "Sex Therapy", "Individual Therapy", "Intimacy", "Communication", "Attachment", "Sexual Shame", "Desire Discrepancy" ], "sameAs": [ "https://www.linkedin.com/in/fanshen-thompson-lcsw-672425216/", "https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086164215212", "https://pin.it/5enxDfD" ] }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "WebSite", "@id": "https://fanshenthompson.com/#website", "url": "https://fanshenthompson.com", "name": "Fanshen Thompson, LCSW", "publisher": { "@id": "https://fanshenthompson.com/#business" } }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://fanshenthompson.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Specialties", "item": "https://fanshenthompson.com/specialties" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Anxious Attachment Couples", "item": "https://fanshenthompson.com/specialties/anxious-attachment-couples" } ] }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "MedicalTherapy", "name": "Anxious Attachment Therapy with Fanshen Thompson, LCSW", "provider": { "@id": "https://fanshenthompson.com/#practice" }, "areaServed": { "@type": "State", "name": "California" }, "url": "https://fanshenthompson.com/specialties/anxious-attachment-couples" }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "BreadcrumbList", "itemListElement": [ { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 1, "name": "Home", "item": "https://fanshenthompson.com/" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 2, "name": "Specialties", "item": "https://fanshenthompson.com/specialties" }, { "@type": "ListItem", "position": 3, "name": "Anxious Attachment", "item": "https://fanshenthompson.com/specialties/anxious-attachment-couples" } ] }, { "@context": "https://schema.org", "@type": "FAQPage", "speakable": { "@type": "SpeakableSpecification", "cssSelector": [ "h1", ".faq-question", ".faq-answer" ] }, "mainEntity": [ { "@type": "Question", "name": "Is anxious attachment a disorder?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "No. It's an attachment style — a pattern of how you learned to seek connection and safety. It's not pathological, it's not permanent, and it can shift inside a relationship where both people are doing this work." } }, { "@type": "Question", "name": "Can an anxious + avoidant pairing actually work?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Yes — many long, healthy relationships are this pairing. The work isn't escaping the dynamic, it's both partners developing more secure-functioning capacities so the cycle becomes one pattern among many, instead of the only pattern." } }, { "@type": "Question", "name": "Why do I always pick anxious (or avoidant) partners?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Because the pattern is familiar, and familiar nervous-system patterns feel like home before they feel like trouble. Individual work — alongside or instead of couples work — can shift the pull over time so different choices become available." } }, { "@type": "Question", "name": "How do I become more secure?", "acceptedAnswer": { "@type": "Answer", "text": "Secure attachment is built, not granted. It comes through repeated experiences of being met when you reach, and being respected when you need space. Therapy is one place to practice this — and relationships, friendships, and your own self-relating practice all contribute." } } ] } ] --- [![Fanshen Thompson, LCSW](/assets/logo-mark-DCWEUPFA.png)Fanshen Thompson LCSW ](/) [Home](/)[About](/about) Services Specialties [Approach](/approach)[Notes](/blog)[FAQ](/faq)[Resources](/resources) [Book a Free 20-Minute Consultation](/contact#book) SPECIALTY · CALIFORNIA # Therapy for _anxious attachment_ in California. One of you needs more reassurance, more contact, more closeness — and gets anxious when it's not there. The other needs more space, more autonomy, more time alone — and feels suffocated when there isn't enough of it. Both responses are legitimate. Both make sense given how each of you learned love. The dance between them is exhausting. [Book a Free 20-Minute Consultation](/contact) Anxious-avoidant dynamics aren't character flaws. They're attachment patterns laid down early, activated again and again by the very person you love most. The shape of the cycle is predictable — pursuit, withdrawal, escalation, distance, reach, retreat — and recognizing it is the first relief. I work with couples caught in this cycle who are tired of fighting about it and ready to do something different. The work isn't about one of you becoming more like the other. It's about both of you developing secure-functioning capacities so the cycle has somewhere else to go. If you're sitting with any of this ## You don't have to keep _living like this._ - Anxiety floods you when your partner pulls away — and you reach harder, which makes it worse. - You feel needy and ashamed of it, and you can't stop checking for reassurance. - You feel pursued, suffocated, or resentful of how much your partner needs — and you don't know how to say so without making it worse. - You're stuck in the same fight on repeat, with the roles reliably reversed depending on the topic. - You dread the cycle starting and can already feel it before either of you has spoken. The Approach ## How I work with _anxious attachment._ Attachment work starts by naming the pattern out loud — without pathologizing either side. Neither anxious nor avoidant is wrong. Both are protective. Both made sense at some point. We give the cycle language so it stops being a mystery operating between you. From there we work on slowing down activation. What does each of your nervous systems need when the threat alarm goes off? What helps you regulate before reaching for your partner — and what helps your partner stay present when withdrawal is the old reflex? This is body-first work, not insight alone. Over time we build secure-functioning capacities together — repair after rupture, reaching from steadiness rather than panic, staying close from choice rather than collapse. The cycle doesn't fully disappear, but it loses its grip. You start to recognize it earlier and exit it sooner. ## Common _questions._ ### Is anxious attachment a disorder? ### Can an anxious + avoidant pairing actually work? ### Why do I always pick anxious (or avoidant) partners? ### How do I become more secure? Related specialties ## Where this _connects._ [ Specialty ### Communication Breakdown Explore → ](/specialties/communication-breakdown) [ Specialty ### Desire Discrepancy Explore → ](/specialties/desire-discrepancy) [ Specialty ### Infidelity Recovery Explore → ](/specialties/infidelity-affair-recovery) Begin ## Asking for help takes courage. Book a free 20-minute consultation to see if working together feels right. [Book a Free Consultation](/contact) ![Fanshen Thompson, LCSW logo](/assets/logo-mark-DCWEUPFA.png) Relationship therapy for people who are ready for real change. Licensed Clinical Social Worker · LCSW #25004 [](https://www.psychologytoday.com/profile/971893) Affiliations ![Gesher Community Care affiliate provider](/__l5e/assets-v1/7e4684e6-648d-48d4-892e-5c8678e89c88/gesher-community-care.png) Online Therapy Sessions held via secure video for clients across California. Hours Tue–Fri, 9am–6pm PT Contact [fanshen@fanshenthompson.com](mailto:fanshen@fanshenthompson.com)[Book a Free 20-Minute Consultation](/contact) [](https://www.linkedin.com/in/fanshen-thompson-lcsw-672425216/)[](https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100086164215212)[](https://pin.it/5enxDfD) Explore - [About](/about) - [Therapy](/therapy) - [Therapy for Couples](/therapy/couples) - [Therapy for Individuals](/therapy/individuals) - [Sex Therapy](/therapy/sex-therapy) - [Notes](/blog) - [FAQ](/faq) - [Resources](/resources) - [Relationship Therapy in Berkeley](/relationship-therapy-berkeley) - [Find an Online Sex Therapist](/how-to-find-an-online-sex-therapist) - [Contact](/contact) Specialties - [Infidelity & Affair Recovery](/specialties/infidelity-affair-recovery) - [Desire Discrepancy](/specialties/desire-discrepancy) - [Sexual Shame](/specialties/sexual-shame) - [Communication Breakdown](/specialties/communication-breakdown) - [Anxious Attachment](/specialties/anxious-attachment-couples) - [Parenting Conflict](/specialties/parenting-conflict) In crisis? If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call or text [988](tel:988) (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or call [911](tel:911). This site is not a substitute for emergency care. [Privacy](/privacy.html)[Terms](/terms.html)[Cookies](/cookie.html)[Disclosures](/disclaimers.html)[Good Faith Estimate](/good-faith-estimate.html)[Accessibility](/accessibility)[Cookie Settings](/cookie.html) Contacting this practice does not establish a therapist–client relationship. Individual outcomes vary. Nothing on this site guarantees a specific clinical result. © 2026 Fanshen Thompson, LCSW. All rights reserved. Photography by Allison Busch Website by [Automaus.ai](https://automaus.ai) Your privacy matters Functional cookies are required. Analytics and marketing cookies are off by default — you choose. 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